–From The MILF Diet, page 6.
If you have a hard time connecting with your sensitivity and inner softness, this diet will help you stop and smell the roses. If you give endlessly and feel like you’re disappearing, MILFy foods will help you re-discover that line between yourself and others, and you will begin to dance it happily. Nature is continually seeking balance; you should be too.
Most exciting, the MILF Diet will help you align with your birthright of profound feminine energy. It will strengthen and support you on every level, showing you new depths and facets of yourself. If you decide to cook MILFier foods for your family, you will begin to appreciate this magic from a yet another angle; by nourishing your brood with natural food, you will begin to wield an ancient womanly power. You will begin to create a stronger, saner and happier world.
But don’t worry. The MILF diet won’t render you Birkenstocked (unless that’s your thing), nor will you grow your hair too long with a bad case of the frizzies. By re-aligning with this energy, you will become more beautiful, powerful and ridiculously alive than you’ve ever been. You will be sexy on a level that our culture doesn’t even have words for yet, although ‘MILF’ is getting warm. And finally, by eating this way, you will start to turn back the clock; your skin will glow, you will drop pounds effortlessly and you will have the energy of a teenager. Instead of Father Time having his way with you, you will turn on your stiletto and deliver him a saucy little slap in the face.
Long live the MILF.
AND DON’T FORGET TO VOTE TOMORROW!!!