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The Birth of the MILF Diet

After a few years of eating this way, I moved to Massachusetts to study whole foods cooking more deeply. At the school I attended, I met students and teachers equally as immersed in this lovely new reality. They confirmed for me what I had experienced, and the scientific truth behind it, and assured me it was only the beginning of the positive changes to come. I saw in all of them the elegance of my first cooking teacher and I felt the same peace emanating from their bodies. They laughed easily. I could sense that they weren’t weighed down by tons of gunk, physically or emotionally, and that seemed pretty cool. I paid special attention to the women and noted a few interesting things: First, they were naturally thin. Every single one of them. And none of them was babbling mindlessly about calories, or self-control, or cardio workouts. Second, they were beautiful. Okay, maybe they weren’t all genetic goddesses (I’m certainly not), but they all had glowing skin, beautiful hair, sparkly eyes, and a lovely poise that women in this modern world seem to be losing.

What is a MILF?

The term “MILF” means, in slightly more titillating verbiage, “Mother with whom I’d Like to Fornicate.” According to Wikipedia, “M.I.L.F.” denotes a sexually attractive older female, generally between 30 and 50 in age and not necessarily an actual mother. The term was popularized by the lm American Pie (1999), though the origin of the term predates this [as it was] already used for years on the Internet.
These days, “MILF” has become a compliment. While other names for sexy women have remained stuck to the brothel floor, “MILF” has picked itself up, crawled out the door, and marched with pride into the local health food store. That’s because there’s something more to “MILF.” Something almost magical about it. I’ve seen it in the eyes of every woman whom I’ve told about The MILF Diet. First the teensiest bit of shock and then a wonderful expression of joy. “I love it!” they said, time and time again. Nine out of ten women surveyed had good feelings about the term “MILF.”

And then it revealed itself in a ash of neurological lightning: “MILF” is evolutionary. “MILF” acknowledges that women can—and do—stay sexy and vital, and that mothers can turn heads as well. Clean, pure, and the Madonnas of a certain Madonna/whore complex: MOTHERS.

Finally. We MILFs have been waiting for the last two thousand years to get our sexuality back. Ever since Mary played the Immaculate card in Bethlehem, our culture has been struggling with a fundamental split: women are unconsciously perceived as either good girls or good-time girls, either naughty or nice.

What a drag for us MILFs! We knew that our C-cups were for fun and function. We knew that we could change a diaper and look smoking hot—just not always at the same time, thank you very much. There was no actual split in us. And, frankly, it’s been painful to constantly — and often unconsciously—have to choose one side of ourselves over the other.

But “MILF” saves the day! Suddenly we can be mothers (or the age of mothers) and be considered frisky in the bedroom. With “MILF” comes the acknowledgment of the complexity and beauty of womanhood.

And what’s best about “MILF” is that the term was generated by men, for men. It’s not some politically correct label we’re trying to shove down their throats. Perhaps the term “MILF” is evidence that a healing is going on in our newly-minted males. Maybe it’s because they were brought up by sexy, cool, independent women . . . MILFs themselves. Maybe it’s because there are just some very sexy mothers out there, pushing their carts at Whole Foods.
No matter its origins, I’m suggesting we co-opt this term and wear it with pride. Because it reunites sexuality and the great maternal gifts of womanhood, it’s a four-letter word we can get behind.

Okay, okay. “MILF” may not save marriages. Or heal nations. But it does, like the Madonna/whore complex, do its work quietly and subconsciously within the culture. With “MILF” comes a positive, deep, and pleasurable recognition that we women are fantastic in our fecundity, are wired to love deeply, and can be thoroughly naughty in bed. Stuff we knew all along. Finally, the men are figuring it out.

And these days, with yoga classes on every corner and Eckhart Tolle on every bedside table, your average MILF is working on her higher self, too. She is exploring another dimension that takes her personal power to the next level. In this book, we address that plane of consciousness and unite it again, appropriately, with motherhood, sexuality, and the other lovely attributes of MILFiness.

The age of the MILF is upon us, and it’s about freaking time.

The Good News

Luckily for us, Mother Nature has concocted foods to help our bodies run all their systems
optimally, and you have just eaten one of them: brown rice. The MILF diet is all about eating
foods that are uniquely suited to the human body—foods that contain good-quality yin and
good-quality yang—helping the body to buzz along smoothly and MILFily without becoming
too stressed out or breaking down.

MILFy foods are natural. Because they are whole, unprocessed (or minimally processed), and
organic whenever possible, they will bring you back to your lovely balanced center. They are:

• Whole grains and whole-grain products
• Vegetables (both land and sea), cooked, fermented, and sometimes raw
• Beans and other plant-based proteins
• Natural sweeteners
• Fruit (local and in season)
• Unrefined vegetable oils
• Unrefined sea salt and minimally processed seasonings

Balance

MILFiness is all about balance. By staying balanced, MILFs are healthier, are sexier, and have
more fun.

Your body is constantly finding balance for you. By pumping your heart, exhaling toxic gases, and keeping your blood at a proper pH, it maintains a delicate balance called homeostasis. This system can handle a remarkable number of twists and turns on the road of your existence, adapting to stress, challenges, and the trillions of mind-blowing shifts that happen every second on a cellular level. This internal balancing act is one of the great miracles of life.

And balance isn’t happening just inside of you: you are a product of a vast network of organic systems all striking their natural balances; they include the soil, the oceans, the atmosphere, and space itself. So naturally your inner world seeks to balance with the outer world; you relax into sunlight and shiver when it’s cold. You experience teenage joy in the spring and mature melancholy in the fall. You give love to your family and receive it back from them in kind. That’s healthy. You are meant to harmonize with the bigger systems of nature. You are meant to feel connected to all of life.

Kids

When it comes to helping kids transition to better-quality foods, the MILFs have developed all sorts of practical — and sometimes stealthy  – tips for feeding kids. Take a listen:

DO: Add before you subtract. Do not yank favorite foods from the table. You’re not here to start a family earthquake. Cook meat with beans. Add more vegetables to soups and sauces. Put sea vegetables in soup stock. Introduce delicious healthy desserts. Make tempura!

Sarah Loring, mother of four, suggests you make slow changes “from a donut to a wholegrain muffin… to whole grains cereal… to soft cooked whole grain porridge. Offer transitions. It doesn't always have to be obvious; mix a little wild rice into white rice. Then add brown to the wild and white. Then increase the proportion of brown. Give everyone a chance to get used to it. Keep the joy in food.”

DO: Eat together A family is like a battery that needs to be re-charged regularly. Eating together is one of the best ways to renew your connection and love for one another. MILFs stressed that eating at least one meal a day together, exchanging daily events and enjoying the food together, makes a big difference in the health of their families. Even if you can only manage on the weekends, make it happen.

DO: Be a Supermodel. Kids love to emulate their parents, at least until puberty hits. Take advantage of this natural mimicking and eat well yourself. You can’t expect your kid to chomp down on a carrot when you’re savoring a candy bar. So get rid of that chip stash. It will get discovered. Eating well is a family affair.

DON’T: take it personally when a dish is rejected. You’re in this for the long haul and if you feel discouraged by the family’s rejection of one dish, or one meal, it’s going to be a challenge to stay the course. Say a little prayer before you serve dinner (“hey, Universe, help me to turn the results of this meal over to YOU”) and detach. You will have your big hits and your big misses. It’s okay. Every MILF does. Just keep on truckin’. Over time the food will win.

Dairy

People often ask me “If I were to give up just one food, which would be the best to give the old heave-ho?”

I look at them closely. They look so innocent, asking me that question. They are all excited to improve their lives, all game to get started. They never expect the punch in the face that’s coming.

“Dairy” I say, landing a soft right hook, quickly followed by a left: “Get rid of dairy.”

I take a deep breath. I know that I have just acted like the therapist who’s suggested a divorce from the perfect husband. Their face withers, becomes child-like and confused. “Dairy?” they say, voice half-laughing, half-trembling… “like… cheese?”

“Yes,” I say, handing them a tissue. “Like cheese.”

Unlike with meat, I don’t worry too much about entering the Dairy Debate. In fact, I drove through Wisconsin one summer proudly displaying a homemade bumper sticker saying “Dairy is SCARY”.

Processed Food

We can argue all we want about why the rates of disease in our country are sky high.  Why the richest nation in the world, with the most advanced medical technology, has a population dropping dead from heart disease, cancer, and diabetes at such alarming rates.  Why our kids won’t live as long as we do.  Why, instead of walking down the streets, we are rolling down them.  We can debate until we’re blue in the face but the fact remains that these diseases began to spike in absolute lockstep with the mass industrialization of our food industry and our introduction to processed foods.

And don’t forget that we are Guinea pigs here. This little experiment has never been perpetrated before in human history and it has taken place over our MILFy lifetimes.  No other generation of humans, EVER, had the dubious “luxury” of walking into a store and buying a “dinner”, complete with irradiated, sprayed, colored, antibiotic and hormone-injected, genetically-modified “foods”.  And then zapping it in a microwave, rendering it either more toxic or useless.  Only to chase it all down with colored, flavored, fluoridated and caffeinated water mixed with other synthetic chemicals and sweetened with High Fructose Corn Syrup.

And perhaps your lovely human body, doing its best to harmonize with nature and to resonate with the sun, the earth and the stars by eating natural foods, could tolerate this assault once, or maybe twice. Cough up the toxins.  Poop them out.  No problem!

But some precious bodies absorb this assault day after day, week after week, year after year… and we wonder why we’re so sick?  Why our culture is going crazy? Why the prescription drug companies are some of the biggest in the world?  Huh.

Don’t let convenience kill you.